Stop tying up My Pony (Ginuwine voice)

Let’s team up tri-state area and bring justice to the bastard who keeps tying cords around Ponies legs to leave them helplessly laying there. New Castle County, DE is experiencing some freak running around tying up ponies for fun. I’ve had a lot of weird ideas (I mean A LOT) in my 27 years on this Earth, but at no point has the thought of tying up a Pony with cords ever crossed my mind. You know who does things like this, serial killers in the making. I think if we nab this weirdo now we can avoid another Ted Bundy from living in our area.

This guy just really blows my mind. I could understand if they reviewed the security footage and it showed a couple of other Ponies tying the other ponies shoes together so he fell over when he stood up. That’s a classic prank. However, we’ve got some maniac going in with an old PlayStation wire binding the Pony down.

I’m thinking we team up with the Ponies to formulate a security team. Get the Philadelphia Zoo involved. Lend out a couple of the big dogs from the cages to wait for the guy to come back. The freak comes in using the darkness of the night as cover. What he doesn’t know is we’ve got Big Frank waiting for him behind a bale of hay.

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Bam, sweet justice is served. The guy gets sentenced to life in prison and we all can breath a sigh of relief. As the jail cell door is slammed in his face, I turn around and stare into the cell. I deliver the line “Stay Golden Pony Boy” slowly turn around and walk away.

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