Power Ranking the many versions of Andy Reid

7. Fired Andy: Philadelphia went through many great years under the wing of the great Andrew Reid. Unfortunately, as the great (maybe late?) Kenny Rogers once said “You’ve got to know when to hold em, know when to fold em, know when to walk away.” Andy was forced out after his mustache became overgrown, his weight was down and he became obsessed with signing players who were the equivalent of traffic cones in midnight green covers (ex: anyone on the dream team).

6. Jolly Green Andy: His gig prior to Philadelphia was in Green Bay coaching under Mike Holmgren. Many might question why I have this Andy on the list, but rest assured I have good reasoning. Well quite frankly, the only reason is that Andy really popped in those colors. A perfect blend of orange hair, cheddar cheese yellow shirts that he probably tasted and whatever tint of green that is. Just breathtaking. Also, it did not hurt that Andy’s flow during these years was so good that I regret not having the same hairstyle on my wedding day.

5. College Andy: I mean do I even have to write this one up. A handsome offensive lineman at Brigham Young University. Look at him. There wasn’t a college aged Mormon girl who wasn’t going to let old big red take them out for a nice steak dinner. Of course during this dinner Andy would have ordered two steaks, as he has been famously known to do. Andy lead the team in pancakes on the field and pancakes consumed off the field. Mel Kiper Jr. wouldn’t have the brains to rank him number 1 on his big board nowadays.

4. Commander and Chief Andy: It seems that Philadelphia sports fans are split 50/50 on supporting Andy this week. I for one support Andy like he is my uncle that falls asleep on the couch after Thanksgiving. Andy went onto KC after being fired in Philadelphia and did not skip a beat. He proved why he is one of the best football minds to ever go through the league. He took an organization that was in disarray and pushed them through to being the class (behind NE) of the AFC. Big Red had the foresight to make the move to draft Patrick Mahomes, which will extend Andy’s coaching career as long as he (or his diet) is willing to take it. 

3. Philadelphia Andy: Andy put together one of the best Coaching/GM resumes during his long tenure in Philadelphia. I don’t really remember much of the Philadelphia Eagles before Andy took over. He was all I knew as a head coach for a football team. Sure, during this time period did he frustrate us to the point of nausea? Of course. However, Andy always had the team competitive each and every year. There were 5 trips to the NFC championship and one Super Bowl appearance during Big Red’s time here. To put that into perspective, some franchises have never reached a conference championship game. Andy was the ultimate players coach while he was here. His finest moment was wogging (walk/jog) back to the locker room, fist in the air after beating Atlanta in the 2005 NFC Championship game. If the Patriots didn’t own cameras and McNabb didn’t puke all over the field, I believe that Andy would’ve hoisted the Lombardi Trophy above his head like a rump roast that was on sale at the ACME. Times yours.

2. Punt, Pass and Kick Andrew Reid: Look at the sheer size of this human being. I always like to believe that Andy and number 22 are the same age. Every year this photograph gets shown on TV and every year I laugh like it’s the first time I’ve ever seen it. The young Andrew Reid stands there like Thanos, ready to eliminate half the world to make sure that he will never have to compete for Hawaiian shirts at the Tommy Bahama store. Speaking of Hawaiian shirts….

  1. Aloha Andy: He’s half football genius, half ready to watch someone spin a tiki torch in the air with their feet. He’s half ready to call the dig route for the first down, half ready to dig a pit to roast the pig in. Nobody looks better in a Hawaiian shirt than Andy Reid. NOBODY. It was built for him. You see a skinny guy leave old navy with a $35 button down Hawaiian shirt and you scoff at them knowing that they will look utterly ridiculous in comparison to Andy. The only silver lining during the year’s the Eagles got bounced from the NFC championship games was that you knew that Andy was lathering up in some SPF 100 and getting the floral bed sheets out of the closet. I can only imagine the tropical paradise delight he will look like if he is able to pull of a victory on Sunday evening. Godspeed Andrew, we love you for being the football guy of all football guys.

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